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 Book, Final

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Logan
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Join date : 2012-04-30

PostSubject: Book, Final   Wed Jul 25, 2012 12:36 am

The working title for this book is "Glitch" but I'm thinking of changing it to something more... better...

Anyways, i wont tell you what it is about (you may already know, i have a big mouth) because I want to see if i have communicated it obviously enough.

This is the version of the book i finished and i am currently re writing (it reached about 200 pages single spaced.)

Hopefully it will keep your attention.
[EDIT: GAH tabs wont work. i am spacing the paragraphs then.]

Glitch



Light dived and flew over the cliff, he streaked down the wall like a falling star and saw the chain links that bound him breaking and falling behind him, surrounding his visage in the reflecting pool far below. He saw the mirror and the bits of silvery metal burn and glow hot as they melted away like so many sparks. They were like daisies of electric yellow and roses of bright blood red flying off and up to heaven as he went to face himself in the ethereal waters.

For a moment he and his reflection both turned and rolled right, looking into each others eyes, and let the other pass. For a moment, as all light from above was cut off, the reflection was a silhouette, but as the two figures passed and their eyes hit the surface of the water, their faces were illuminated and they gave each other a knowing smile.

Their eyes locked for just that second before again gazing at their respective goals. The pool was cold as he passed through it, but only for a moment, and then he was erupting upwards, back where he came with the same speed and power that brought him down. The molten chains still fell as he rose to meet the sky and air.


“John!”


John was suddenly thrust into the real world. His muscles contracted and his eyes closed.


“John! It’s time for school!”


John had to blink a few times to get the sky and speed from his eyes. Once cleared, he saw the computer in front of him, with the thousands of pixels showing the black and white image of text on a page. He took a breath and relaxed himself.


“John!” He turned to the door and saw a woman with long black hair and eyes. His mother had a polite smile when she said again, “It’s time for school, get your things.”

John looked around fro his things. He had normal windows and normal curtains, with bright, normal sunshine blasting through, shining down upon the quite normal floor, and making the spot glow with a normal, but golden luster. The light showed the normal dust in the air, and it lit up the rest of the normal room. There was his normal bed, with normal covers and a normal blanket. Beside his bed was a normal tabletop, with a normal photo of his mother, father, and three siblings, a normal laptop and normal objects that his curious hands fell upon during the day. On the walls there was normal wallpaper, with normal posters of the normal pop idols of the time. On the other side of the bed there was a normal wooden shelf with normal books, which contained the most normal of information. Next to the normal shelf there was a normal dresser, filled with clothes that his culture deemed ‘normal’. He enjoyed the air his normal room had. It made him feel normal.

But something was wrong with him, and that’s why they treated him differently. He knew that much at least. He stood and looked himself over, trying to make himself look more normal. The 12 year old had black jeans and a blue shirt. Over the shirt he wore a collared red over shirt with bright yellow buttons. A white silvery chain hung from his neck with a house key that contrasted with the dull green, muddy brown shoes on his feet. His brown hair was frowzy and made his head resemble a hedgehog, at least, that his what his mother told him. His brown eyes were the same color as topaz, with almost as much luster.

“I’m Special” he repeated to himself in self-loathing. “I’m Special?” the thought echoed after brief pause, he was testing the concept as if it were apt to bite back at him. “I’m special.” he thought again, with more resolution this time. The third time was enough, and John walked out of the room.




Judith Crux was an nineteen year old girl who looked for perfection in the mirror. In the misty haze she saw what she wanted. She found the form and being and made it her own.

She stood there, as nude as an Olympian, gazing at the fractured images in the reflection and wiped clear a single, simple streak of clarity to stair into her own eyes.

“You’re perfect.” She said to the mirror. She said it into her eyes as they turned blue and her blurry visage became flawless. She was tall, powerful, beautiful, and filled with a justified narcissism; She kissed the misty air, “That’s better.”

There was a knocking at the door.

“I’m busy!” she yelled violently. She caressed her wet, slippery body down to her waist and turned her back to view her other side.

There was more knocking.

“Don’t make me hurt you!” she shouted, tearing her eyes off herself for a precious moment. She waited to make sure the brat was gone before returning to the mirror. “Don’t worry about him.” She said to herself again. “Your all alo…”

Her bright eyes went wide as she saw a second blurred reflection in the mirror.

She turned to in the mist and covered herself in surprise, but there was no one there.

Nothing but a shadow on the floor.

“Shady!” she cursed.






“Looks like I’ve been found out.” Shady thought as he quickly averted his gaze.

“Get back here!” Jude yelled as the shadow of a man darted away and disappeared under the door, moving in such a way that only shadows can. The shadow slithered like a reptile across the floors of the Crux household, leaving the house as quickly as it had entered.

After dashing as fast as a light can flicker, it reached a young black haired, European man by the name of Heckler Crowley, who was waiting under a willow tree.

Heckler went to the shade, stepping onto the lack of light. The shadow quickly took on the shape proper shadow should and Heckler smiled as they became one once more.

“Whoa, bloody hell.” He smiled. “You’ve been a naughty little shadow haven’t you.” He said to himself.

“What is it this time?” A girl asked, detracting her attention from her book. She was standing, leaning by the willow tree. She continued in a thick Japanese accent, “Did you steal something.”

“It’s not me, it’s him.” He pointed at his shadow as he walked closer and it disappeared under the willow tree. “And he just saw a few certain things he wasn’t supposed to on a certain someone.” He wiggled his eyebrows and the girl looked away in a blush, trying to hide her face behind her book and a mask of disgust.

“What? Don’t tell me you don’t use your powers to sneak a peek or two aye? Every once in a while.” He came up to her and nudged her. She tried her best to look away. “Aye?” he repeated. “Aye?...”

“I have better things to do then that.” She responded, sitting down and glaring at the parchment and ink.

“Oh I see. You’re too high and mighty, too good to use the gifts god gave ya for your own pleasure.”

“You’re sick.”

“Sickness can be cured, but opportunities are lost forever.” Heckler heckled. She responded by sinking deeper into her slouch. Heckler laughed.

“Oh I’m just playing with ya Kari. Don’t pay what I said any mind, it’s just the shady one talking.” He pointed down, giggled and ruffled up her hair, to her distress and surprise. He sunk and sat down next to her, “Besides, you’d do far more damage then me with your powers.” She still wasn’t talking. “Why don’t I see you teleporting all over the place. I’d be testing out the limits of something like that.” He asked.

“… for you it’s different.” She said, putting down the book and trying to find the right words. “All you have to do is let it go, and your shadow can go out and do anything… but I can’t jump unless I calculate everything.”

“Why not?” Heckler shrugged. “So you’re an inch or so off, whats the worst…”

“An arm, a leg.” She said judgmentally. “I make one wrong move, I could get stuck in the fifth dimension. All you have to do it take it easy and let someone else do your work.”

“Whoops,” Heckler got to his feet. “Looks like I made you cross. I better stop my tongue there before it gets me into more trouble.” He smiled a smile so sweet it was rotten.

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lcm



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Join date : 2012-05-10

PostSubject: Re: Book, Final   Mon Jul 30, 2012 11:27 pm

First of all, this is attention-catching, and even though a whole slew of characters are introduced suddenly I got a pretty good idea about who they are as people. So, that's solid. The first time reading through this, I thought, "Are they mutants?" because for some reason my brain jumped straight to X-men. I'll be interested to see where this story goes.
Also, the word "normal" is used 25 times exactly in that one paragraph. That's got to be a record, somewhere.
I noticed a few grammar things, hope it's okay to point them out, because it's a near-final draft and all.
Second paragraph: each others'
Second paragraph of Jude's section: stare
Seventh paragraph of Jude's section: "You're..."
Awesome beginning. Good luck with the rest of the rewrite! Post it.
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Logan
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PostSubject: Re: Book, Final   Mon Jul 30, 2012 11:56 pm

The basic story was heavily inspired by the concept of X men(super people at a school), but i hope i will be able to differentiate the story as it progresses.

The normal paragraph was something i was debating keeping in the final draft, but i still think think it works.

Thank you for the corrections, i need them. Laughing the next section will be posted... some time... i'm having miniature writing blocks every paragraph or so, each one takes a 30 minute Google search or something to solve, but i'm making progress.

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